by Gayle Bereskin, DO
Grief comes in many forms—raw, quiet, complicated, unexpected. As a physician who has walked alongside many in their final chapters and those left behind, I’ve come to understand that grief isn’t something to be “fixed” or “gotten over.” It’s a natural, human response to loss—an aching echo of love and connection. In this post, I want to share ten things I’ve learned about grief—not just from textbooks, but from bearing witness to real people, real pain, and real moments of grace. These aren’t rules. They’re guideposts. May they offer comfort if you’re grieving, or help you show up more tenderly for someone who is.
10 Things to Know About Grieving
1. Grief is not linear.
It doesn’t move neatly from one stage to the next. Grief often comes in waves—some expected, others surprising. It’s okay if you circle back to pain you thought you’d already moved through.
2. There’s no “right” way to process grief.
Some people cry openly. Others stay busy, feel numb, or withdraw. All of these are valid. Grief reflects the unique imprint of your relationship and your own coping style.
3. Grief is physical, too.
Fatigue, sleep disturbances, appetite changes, tightness in the chest, and even immune shifts are common. Your body grieves too—be gentle with it.
4. Unexpected emotions are normal.
Sadness is only part of the picture. Grief can bring guilt, anger, anxiety, confusion—or even relief. These are not signs that something is wrong. They are signs that something mattered.
5. Grief can resurface years later.
A song, a smell, an anniversary can bring it all back. This isn’t regression—it’s remembrance. Grief becomes part of the landscape of love.
6. Loss can shift your sense of identity.
Grieving a partner, parent, child, or friend often raises deeper questions: Who am I now? Grief may unravel and rebuild your sense of self.
7. People may say the wrong thing.
Well-meaning comments can sting. You’re allowed to protect your space, set boundaries, and seek out those who simply sit with you in your pain.
8. Support helps—but it may look different for everyone.
Some find solace in therapy, groups, rituals, time in nature, or expressive arts. Others may explore newer tools like ketamine-assisted therapy. There’s no single path—only what feels genuinely supportive to you.
9. Children grieve, even if they don’t have the words.
They might show it through behavior, questions, or quietness. They need honesty, routine, and reassurance that their feelings are okay.
10. Grief is an expression of love.
We grieve because we’ve loved deeply. In that way, grief is sacred. It speaks to what was real, what was shared, and what still matters.
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
Grief changes us. It reshapes the way we love, remember, and move forward. But if you’re grieving—know this: you’re not doing it wrong.
There is no perfect way through. There is only your way—and the people who can walk with you.
If you are looking for support—someone to witness your sorrow, help you explore meaning in the midst of loss, or walk with you using compassionate, integrative approaches including ketamine-assisted therapy—I invite you to reach out.
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means remembering differently. And you are welcome here, just as you are.